


why won't you kiss me?

by johnnyfucksup



Category: Buzzfeed The Try Guys (Web Series)
Genre: Eugene is emotional crippled, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Mutual Pining, Pining, Realization, Zach kind of realizes he's gay, but also happy ending, kind of angst?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 08:21:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20579402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnnyfucksup/pseuds/johnnyfucksup
Summary: Zach had built his life around his insecurities, hid them well, overplayed them with humour and optimism that wasn’t sincere but it also wasn’t fake. But then Eugene Lee Yang decided to stroll in and destroy every bit of hard work Zach had put into himself. By refusing to kiss him on camera.Or: Zach is insecure and Eugene's the cause of it. (But also the solution.)





	why won't you kiss me?

**Author's Note:**

> i watched the try guys videos since i was really fucking small, but now the love is here again, and... i love zach. and eugene. and i love them even more when they're together.   
i hope someone will enjoy reading this, but it's something not as serious as... i'd actually like.

Zach Kornfeld was used to the feeling of being rejected.

He’d been rejected by tons of people, by girls and by boys, by family and friends. No big deal, really. 

Zach knew that he wasn’t the most masculine, attractive man to ever live. And he was okay with that. 

Well, not really.

But he had to be okay with it. He forced himself to be okay with it. 

And it worked. Kind of. His antidepressants helped.

Zach had built his life around his insecurities, hid them well, overplayed them with humour and optimism that wasn’t sincere but it also wasn’t fake. 

He was so caught up in his kind-of-but-not-really net of lies (_It’s not a lie if I believe in it myself, right?_), it worked out pretty well.

That’s what he thought, at least. 

But then Eugene Lee Yang decided to stroll in and destroy every bit of hard work Zach had put into himself. 

By refusing to kiss him on camera. 

xx.

Zach knew that he wasn’t the most kissable person alive. 

He wasn’t even the second or third or fourth most kissable person in their _office._

He was aware of it, he didn’t have a problem with not being desired, not being wanted, not being kissed. (At least that’s what he told himself, he’d been able to go years like that.)

Zach had buried his insecurities, had locked them away, and even when something came up to the surface, he simply made a joke out of it, everyone laughed, period.

Especially in front of his friends, in front of the camera, it was easy to play down his deep dark fears of never finding love and dying alone. Being chronically single was sort of his thing, he was known for it and it also was a running gig amongst them. 

He accepted his role in the group, adjusted himself to fit in just fine, like every human being had to at some point. 

But then Eugene Lee Yang refused to kiss him. Multiple times. 

Not that Zach _wanted_ Eugene to kiss him. 

Not at all. 

Everyone knew that Eugene wasn’t exactly the most sociable, touchy-feely person on earth. Really not. They even had to make a fuss and a challenge out of him sitting on Keith’s lap. Eugene ducked away from physical contact like a pro. 

That Eugene ducked away from kissing him wasn’t that big of a deal. 

But, it was. A big fucking deal, actually.

Zach wouldn’t have minded Eugene’s reticence if he hadn’t attacked Ned in their, admittedly ridiculous, re-enactment of K-Drama. 

That shit hurt. (Of course, Zach would never be sour about it in public, let alone in front of Eugene.)

Even Keith had been willing to be kissed by him, and he was married. 

Well, maybe he shouldn’t be comparing Keith and Eugene, they were completely different kinds of people. 

Still.

Zach was hurt. 

And because he didn’t want to be feeling hurt like some thirteen-year-old school girl, he got _mad_. And Zach Kornfeld really didn’t get mad usually.

But this time, he did get mad. 

Mainly because he didn’t know why he was feeling the way he did. Why it hurt. And why he felt so fucking stupid. 

xx.

Life went on. Like it always did. 

Zach locked the anger away, like he always did. 

Life went on. 

Why didn’t it feel like it, though?

xx.

“Not the dress, not the dress, not the dress!”, Eugene said while posing for the camera.

While Keith couldn’t hold Zach anymore, thus, Zach falling onto the ground. 

More importantly, apparently, onto Eugene’s wedding dress. 

That was not the first time Eugene had refused to kiss him.

And it sure as hell wasn’t the first time Eugene fussed more over his clothes than his friends. 

So why did it feel like something burned and shattered at the same time inside of him?

Well, that seemed to be a problem he hadn’t had to deal with immediately. 

(Of course it was, but he was a professional in matters of procrastinating his own feelings. So, problem for the future him.)

xx.

Zach’s weekend plans actually had been… getting drunk. That was his whole plan. Getting drunk.

Alone, in his apartment, like he always did when he was depressed. 

Or not feeling like the bundle of energy he usually was (or tried to portray in front of everyone). 

So, yes. Drinking. 

But, as usual, he hadn’t had anything alcoholic at home. 

(Why he didn’t have alcohol laying around, he really didn’t know. He had been drinking regularly the past couple months. Maybe it was his unconsciousness telling him what a bad idea it was, having big amounts of poison in his direct reach, especially when he was feeling down.)

So, no alcohol, but the urge to get wasted. 

But he also didn’t feel like buying alcohol. That was a bad idea, he knew that. 

So he didn’t buy alcohol. 

He sat inside the nearest bar, directly after work, not getting changed, not showering first, because, let’s be honest, there would be no one to approach him. 

He just wanted to get drunk, he just wanted to drown his anger in beer and whiskey and cocktails and any other drink that could make him forget for a few hours. 

And, of course, being away from Eugene for some time. 

He should have known that the universe wasn’t exactly favouring him. 

After the first two drinks – two shots of Tequila, because, why the fuck not, it got him drunk the fastest – he felt a hand on his shoulder.

He didn’t even have to turn around to know whose hand it was that was laying on his shoulder. As mentioned, the universe wasn’t particularly nice to him. 

“Hello, Eugene,” Zach sighed.

“Wow, you’re really excited to see me, hm?”, Eugene just laughed, shrugged Zach’s tone off, and, of course, took the seat next to him.

While Eugene was explaining to the bartender what special drinks he wanted, Zach downed the beer in front of him and ordered some more shots. 

“Slow down, dude,” Eugene looked amused, “we both know you’re not the best drinker.”

“And that’s to my advantage, actually.” Zach wasn’t in the mood for talking. Or in the mood for Eugene. Of course the other man didn’t notice.

“How so?”

“I can get drunk faster and then get home faster and then get hungover faster.”

Zach ignored the slightest hint of a slur in his voice. And he hoped Eugene would ignore it too. 

“Sounds like you’re the proof of your own hypothesis,” one unfairly perfect eyebrow was lifted on Eugene’s unfairly perfect face. (Seriously, how could anybody even be that attractive.) “Is there any reason to why the worst drinker I’ve ever known is getting drunk? Voluntarily?” The last word was added quickly, as if Eugene remembered just now how often they had to get drunk for their barely scientific experiments. 

“Just… life, y’know.”

“That’s… understandable. If you wouldn’t be the happiest and most positive person on earth.”

“Even the happiest person on earth can’t be happy all of the time.” Zach really didn’t want to carry on with this conversation. 

“Why’s that?” 

“Because there’s no infinite stock of serotonin in my brain, Eugene.” Zach downed what he thought was the fifth shot of Tequila, emptied his beer and walked straight out of the bar. After paying for all of his drinks and ducking every of Eugene’s attempts to stop him. 

xx.

As a matter of fact, Zach began avoiding Eugene all together. Not only the questions that followed via text after he had left the bar moodily, or the concerned looks, the unsure smiles, the clean jokes and the lack of insults. 

Zach ignored all these things and concentrated on not being alone in a room with Eugene Lee Yang.

Or being on camera with only Eugene Lee Yang. 

It wasn’t like Zach didn’t like Eugene anymore, or actually wanted to stay away from him. 

Quite the opposite was the case.

And as for Zach’s all-too-famous inability to be subtle and discrete about… well, _anything_, really, he decided it’d be the best for everyone involved when he just… backed up, for a little while at least. 

xx.

Zach had always been the out-in-the-open type of guy, simple-minded, always grinning or laughing or smiling broadly, always chattering and babbling. 

Had been, at least.

Not so, nowadays.

Zach didn’t exactly enjoy distancing himself from one of his best friends, but it was still better than the other option.

The other option was actually so alien for him that he never even tried to give it a name. Or a thought. Or anything, really.

The other option wasn’t an _option_, it wasn’t a Plan B if the whole ignoring-Eugene-thing didn’t work out. It wasn’t even the last straw. It was… something that Zach didn’t want to think about. Ever. 

So he didn’t. 

Little did he know that his drunken ass wouldn’t only think about it but also talk about it. 

xx.

“Okay, Zach, what’s going on?”, Eugene was standing against the bar, holding his beer tightly. 

“Nothin’,” Zach replied with an obvious slur in his voice. He had had a few too many drinks, as he always did in the past few weeks. He almost found it funny how easily his body had gotten used to the alcohol. 

“Kornfeld. You’re one of my best friends. And if one of my best friends is avoiding me, I can tell, you know,” Eugene looked at him with lifted eyebrows and something like sadness and determination in his eyes. He still held his drink, never sipping it, which, to be honest, was pretty unlike Eugene.

“I can’t really make up excuses anymore, right?” Zach sighed. 

“You can try, but it won’t work on me.”

“Right,” Zach sighed again, “well… I’ve been thinking about, like, stuff, and you kinda are part of it, I guess? A big part, actually? Or not you per se, more like… Do you know that feeling when something crosses your mind for the first time, but you realize that it’s been there all along? In your mind, I mean, and you can’t get it out anymore, it’s frustrating, confusing, horribly annoying–”

Zach rambled. Like he only had a limited amount of breaths to say what was going through his mind the past couple of weeks.

He was lucky, Eugene interrupted his rambling. 

(He was really fucking lucky, he didn’t really get his own rambling, let alone find fitting words, they all, poof, vanished.)

“Zach,” Eugene put a hand on Zach’s elbow, probably in some sort of comforting way, maybe just to get him to stop talking nonsense. Both options were pretty realistic. “Zach, I think I understand what you mean. In general. But it’d help if you told me _what_ crossed your mind and what part of _me_ is part of _it_.” 

Eugene had to ask, of course, Eugene was intelligent and smart and so fucking perfect, he had to ask the exact same question Zach had been asking himself for weeks now. 

A question which scared Zach. And the answer would kill him.

Zach shook his head, staring down at his hands in his lap, didn’t dare to move one tiny muscle.

“Zach.”

Zach stood faster than he had anticipated which lead to overwhelming dizziness. If it weren’t for Eugene’s hand, still firm around his elbow, he would lay on the floor right now.

“Zach, you’re clearly upset, and I’d love to go through it with you. Together. A problem shared is a problem halved. Or something like that.” Eugene sounded sincere, he even looked more sincere than ever before. 

Zach breathed. 

That was all he could do right now. Breathing. A thing he never thought would be that hard, but it was and he needed to concentrate. 

And Eugene… waited. 

Sweet, sweet Eugene just waited, hand still firmly on his elbow, patient and so fucking _sweet_.

And Zach, tipsy and upset and so thankful for a friend like Eugene, made up his mind. 

Well, he didn’t really make up his mind, it just. Poofed. Everything disappeared, his mind blank. 

“Why won’t you kiss me?” Zach was conscious of his voice cracking and being much more desperate than he’d liked. 

“Excuse me, but, like… what?” Eugene sounded as confused as he looked. 

Of course Eugene would be confused. 

“Nevermind,” Zach mumbled, trying to shake off Eugene’s hand. “It’s stupid, just… forget it.”

“No, I won’t _just forget it_,” Eugene imitated Zach, tightening his grip on Zach’s arm, putting his drink down and settling the now free hand on Zach’s shoulder. 

Okay. Thing was, Zach was really fucking desperate for an answer, even if it would mean that he had to take his antidepressants again. Also, Eugene’s hands were warm and firm and just holding on to him like his life what at stake. 

Thing was, Eugene had never tried to keep up an emotional talk. 

It kinda broke something in Zach. 

“You never kissed me,” Zach hoped to clarify. 

“I didn’t know it was common for friends to kiss each other.” Eugene seemed genuinely confused. 

“It is common. Amongst us, at least. We’re the Try Guys! Undressing and embarrassing ourselves is literally our job! We see our dicks on a regular basis, hell, Eugene, we’ve eaten sushi off our naked bodies!” 

Zach admitted, he wasn’t as calm as he intended. 

“Well… yeah, I guess? But –”

“And why the fucking hell are you totally fine with kissing Ned, out of all people, pretty intensely, by the way, but avoiding to even get close to me?”

That clearly surprised Eugene. His grip loosened for a second. Maybe he was just… shocked. Shocked to see Zach sincerely angry for the first time. 

Hell, Zach was shocked himself. 

“Zach, I…” Eugene trailed off as soon as he began to talk. 

“No, just. Don’t. Don’t say anything,” Zach freed himself from his friend’s grasp, “you wanted to know what’s upsetting me, now you know. Excuse me.”

Just like that, Zach turned on his heels – literally – and stormed out of the bar – literally, he felt like a hurricane. 

xx. 

Zach didn’t turn up for work the next few days. 

xx.

Naturally, his plan didn’t quite work out. 

After the second day of work that he skipped, Eugene stood in front of his door, looking both apologizing and pissed off. Only Eugene could pull that off. Like he pulled everything off.

“What is it, Eugene?” Zach really didn’t mean to sound annoyed. But he _was_.

“Don’t give me that shit,” Eugene entered Zach’s apartment with the confidence he entered pretty much any room. “We’re going to talk.”

“Yeah, make yourself comfortable,” Zach muttered under his breath, feeling a hint of a headache flaring up behind his eyes.

But Eugene didn’t even think about making himself comfortable. Instead, he came to an abrupt halt, leading to an almost-collision with Zach. 

“Zach. You’ve been acting very fucking weird,” Eugene began, without turning around to face Zach.

“That’s called a personality trait,” Zach didn’t really care about his voice being a whisper. 

“Fine, you’ve been acting weirder than usual,” Eugene sounded so very annoyed, making Zach wince behind his back. “But I think I understand why.”

Eugene turned around. Which startled Zach.

“You do? Because I still don’t –”

“Just. Shut up. Okay? Be quiet, please.” Eugene closed his eyes, taking deep breaths at a time, as if he were meditating. Maybe he was meditating, Zach still couldn’t fully grasp the whole that was… Eugene. 

After some time, Zach also reluctantly started to meditate because of the overwhelming silence, Eugene opened his eyes again. They were filled with determination, and Zach closed his eyes, prepared to be hit straight in the face. 

But he wasn’t hit in the face. 

Not like he’d anticipated, at least. 

He heard a quiet rustling of clothes, right before being pushed back by his shoulders and slammed against the wall. That would’ve been the part of being hit in the face. 

And he was. 

Zach opened his eyes. De facto, he was pinned against the wall – the wall with all his polaroid pictures of his friends, well, mostly food –, Eugene closer to him than ever before with both of his hands firmly gripping him by the shoulders. 

When Zach was younger – a lot younger – he had been beaten so many times, so he kind of was prepared to be beaten up. 

He wasn’t prepared to be kissed by Eugene Lee Yang. Not at all. 

Even though he had been thinking about it nonstop. 

And even when Zach had felt really courageous and dared to hope that it would happen someday, in a bizarre alternative universe, he never thought that Eugene’s lips would be that _soft_.

But then reality hit in again. 

He pushed Eugene away – there had never been something that difficult. 

“Are you doing this out of pity? Because I don’t need your pity, and I sure as hell wouldn’t bear it, so just –”

He was cut off. By Eugene’s lips. Again. 

Something heavy fell off Zach’s shoulders and something light started to form in his stomach. 

“You’re thinking too much,” and just like that, Eugene’s lips were on his own, harder now, and somewhat… desperate. 

Zach could do desperate. He had been desperate for the most of his life. He could do _desperate_, some of the few things he was good at.

“And you don’t think at all,” Zach whispered against those soft lips, closing in on Eugene before he could vocalize his obvious confusion. 

Yeah, Eugene wasn’t thinking. He hadn’t thought this through before coming to his house and kissing him hard and letting him see a not so typical desperation. 

So, Zach also didn’t think. There was no space for thinking and rationality, there was only Eugene, still pinning him to the wall.

Zach could _do_ desperate. He moved under Eugene’s grip, so the taller man had to take a step back from the wall, probably expecting some sort of shitstorm or at least some reluctance. Zach didn’t intend to do that, though. Instead, he turned themselves around, closing his hands around Eugene’s hip and pressing against him. 

Eugene clearly hadn’t expected that, but there was no more room for him to be surprised. To be fair, Zach didn’t give him much room to be surprised.

He pressed up against Eugene, maybe tiptoeing but in a very manly manner, forcing him closer by his hips. He could feel the rough material of Eugene’s denims against his bare legs, but more importantly, he could feel the bulge _under_ Eugene’s denims.

If there had been any last concerns and worries, they were brushed away by the small twitch of Eugene’s hips in his hands and the slight grinding motion against his crotch it caused. 

Zach nearly attacked Eugene, kissing him, licking across the other’s lips, while letting his hands wander up and down Eugene’s sides, causing breathless gasps.

In retrospect, Eugene was willingly being swept away because of the momentum. Once the momentum ebbed away, it felt like Eugene just remembered that he had hands, too, and that he actually had experience in making out. 

And as Eugene remembered how to handle such a situation, Zach’s brain stopped working entirely. 

Eugene’s hands slid all over his body, under the hem of his ridiculous comic shirt, never leaving his lips. 

Zach was pushed backwards by his hips, slowly and carefully, until the back of his knees nudged against the edge of his couch. Not until he let himself be pushed down on the couch, Eugene broke away from him, staring down on him. 

“Eugene, I –”

Although Eugene looked serious and calm, he didn’t look like he was listening. Instead, he dropped on his knees in front of the couch and slid his hands up and down Zach’s thighs.

“Zach, it’s not like I didn’t want to kiss you. Actually, I wanted to kiss you for a long time now, but I didn’t trust myself. Because. Y’know, I…” Eugene looked nervous. Really, really nervous. That was… new. 

“Go on,” Zach wasn’t the type to be speechless, but now he was, because… Eugene looked _nervous_.

“I’m not the emotional type. I’m not good at talking about my feelings and shit. But when you’re around, especially when you’re close to me, my stomach turns, and I feel like vomiting, because everything feels light and there’s a tingle in my chest, and I don’t want to scare you off, so I never kissed you. I was… scared, okay?”

Eugene dropped his gaze down on his hands that were still laying on his knees, a small fidget in his fingers. 

“Eugene, are you saying that you _want_ to kiss me?”

“I want to do all sorts of things to you, actually.” A nervous laugh escaped Eugene’s perfect mouth. 

“How about you show me?”

Eugene smiled and Zach’s heart dropped in his pants.


End file.
